A letter to my Mom

Hi Maa,

How are you? I know you don't like it without me, I know you don't like it when you don't see me around, I know you feel lonely when you don't cook food for me and I know you don't like it this way, everything going by so fast and your kids growing up so quickly. Still I expect you to be happy, I am a fool right, and I dare ask you, how are you when I know how you live each day by yourself without your kids. You use to carry me on your back and make food for the family, you use to wait for me everyday after I returned from school and you use to make me eat food with your own hands even though grandma used to scold you for doing so. I know its not easy when everyone asks you to be strong and let your kids go away and let them make their career.

Time passes by pretty quickly, and you know what is known to be the best time, when you don't know when the time passed by. 21 years passed by so quickly sleeping in your lap mother. I still remember the days when my dream used to solving a maths problem on board in front of the class, or hit a six in a cricket match in the evening, when I used to wait for my b'day to get gifts from my parents, and going with you to my parents teacher meeting to see my results, the fun part was it didn't matter that much then, I knew whatever the result gonna be, I was going to the next class, only thing that used to run through my head was if I get my rank in top 3 then I can ask for a bigger bat, or else I will have to use the older bat for another year. Funny isn't it, that small use to be my goals and I used to be happy trying to achieve them. I didn't have to live alone to achieve my dream then, I didn't had to sacrifice the family dinner and watching television together, I could do all at the same time. Golden times mother, passed by, I grew up in flash of a second, and you still think you didn't get enough time with me, even I feel the same way. I wish to go back and live like a kid, where each day used to be a new one, and I didn't have to worry about if I am learning or growing, only thing I cared about then was being happy. But now, as we grow, we fail to find happiness in such things, so we do meaningless things to make ourselves happier.

Lets talk about your happiness, how can you let me go, how can any mother let their child go away from them and have the courage to live without them. All you get is a 2 min phone call a day, where you have nothing to talk about except what kind of food did I eat and the answer remains the same. Or a 2 day weekend once every two months, where half of the next week just goes in coming back to life and missing the happy time we had during the weekend. Do you deserve this mother, having spent all your life just to raise your kids properly and then to let them go away from you, having worked 24 hours a day for all the family members without any holidays, not even the public holidays, or the national holidays, adding to it, holidays made you do more work, as relatives come over for a get together, this is not something which anyone of us can do except you. After doing this much, you still want to do more, burn yourself for some extra saving, and spend it without thinking for some stupid wish that I have, to spend all of it for my party jeans and sacrifice your wish to buy a dress for yourself. Adding to this, you are never appreciated or given respect for the work you do. Every task is expected to be done by you, if its done, no one notices you did it, but if its not done, everyone will blame you for not doing it, still you do it without expecting anything in return. A house becomes a home only when you are in it mom. I would take this chance to tell you that I and every member of our family respects you for everything, for being there at all times. This is you ma, the most selfless person.

As I grew up, I started making friends, your time with me got reduced then and has being reducing ever since with increasing people in my life, with increasing goals in my life, with increasing problems and issues in my life, with everything, my time with you kept on decreasing and you still took me with whatever I had to give you without complaining. My life changed with friends, dreams and issues, but for you mother, its all still the same, your goal 21 years back was to do everything possible to give me a proper sleep, and is still the same to ensure each day that my child is okay, and hasn't been in trouble and can sleep properly. Your life still revolves around the same me, but its me who doesn't have time to give it to you. I know you understand me and forgive me for everything, but I always wish I could give you more of my time.

Now let me tell you a mystery about life, I am still  ambiguous about my view towards it. I want you to be happy, you want me to be happy. I wish to achieve success, live a good life and make you proud in the eyes of the world, and in order to do that, I have to give you less time, live away from you, and do a lot of struggle. So in order to make you proud I am going to do this all, and I expect you to be happy as every child does, but what I don't understand is; is this all worth the time we are giving to it. Maybe it is, maybe it is not, but there is no way to find out unless I actually do it. There is a chance that there is some ultimate happiness at the end of the road, that I am waiting for, that will make me happy and following it, seeing me happy you will be happy and then I can spend time with you. Maybe I will fail the first few times, but all I want from life is I still keep trying and that gives me happiness now.

Trying for something, be it making time for you, be it my dreams, be it my friends, this is happiness for me. So I wish this from my life, and I want you to see me through it that I keep trying hard and don't give up. You have every right to complain that I don't give you time, but also understand that there are certain hardships one has to go through in order to achieve a dream. Its tough for me even, to be away from you, to be away from friends, to be in a whole new world every now and then, trying to prove my abilities to them, trying to make an image for myself, but I am ready to go though this only if I have support from you mother, else the journey all alone is something I am not ready to begin.

I hope you are happy now for the moment. Just remember this line mother,"There is a time for everything!"

Love,
Saheb