A "Different" Life
I have been living a new life since the past 2 weeks now. My new life can be best described by this sentence, "Different but still all the same". Its difficult to describe how one feels in a new city, but I will give it a try and make an effort to reach all the people who have begun a new life at some point in their lives.
Past has been good, but its gone now, and I am on my way to build some new past.
The first few days, when we walk alone, when we look here and there, we observe people, we try to find small things that can make us smile, we find people to whom we can give some happiness, but we don't find this to be easy. I, you, we all like to be alone when we look at loneliness from a distance, but we realize it later that it was better to look at it from a distance only. We crave to be alone when we are with friends and family, we take them for granted and don't realize their importance. Just ask yourself, haven't you been angry now and then on your parents when they ask about your whereabouts and are we all right, and we don't answer them properly. But this new life changed me in a good way. I realize the importance of being with the people who love you a lot, to whom you mean something, who care for you, who do anything to make you smile, who sit with you when you are sad, and whose happiness matters to you. I have been a lover of loneliness and solitude, I am lover of movies like Into the Wild and Good Will Hunting, I love individualism and selfishness, but when you have all this, loneliness, self time, work, the question pops up did I actually want this?
"Mujhe chhod do mere haal pe........
Zinda hoon yaar kaafi hai...." Now it makes sense :)
I don't know why but I was sad first few days in the new place, maybe I missed my past life a lot, or maybe the separation from closed ones made me feel that way, or maybe the new so called monotonous life was scaring me. I was not able to make myself smile even after saying a lot of good things inside my mind and even my parents knew it when they spoke to me on internet. They always know when I am not happy, and it was obvious I couldn't act happy as I wasn't. Superb hotel room, a good amount in my pocket, and all the time in world, but does it make me happy when there are no friends or family to spend it with. No it doesn't and never will. When you feel this way, even a thank you from a waiter, or Good Morning with a smile from a watchman makes you happy.
Soon as the days passed, the smile returned, and I was motivated to become happy again.
I get good work to do, I have to work long works which I always wanted to, it took time to get used to it, but now its all good, I eat good food, I sleep well around 8-9 hrs, I have some really nice friends, I write in my free time, I can read before I go to sleep, and everything is in order and this is called a simple life. The fear of monotonic life is always going to hover over our generation, its on us how to fight it and make our life happening. Some small things like nice dinner, and little outings on weekends, can make this simple life beautiful and enjoyable.
I used to hate social network, but now I like to be on it, with friends, for whatever time I can. This was something I never imagined but it makes me happy to be at least connected virtually. I like it when my parents call and speak about how was your day and all going good beta, such care we don't find in a new place, so I value it more now, I wait for the call, and it makes my day, somethings might not work the way I planned during the day, but such little things makes my life worth living.
Ambivalence - This is word, I am happy for a new life, a new experience, a new beginning, and even sad for the glory of the past life.
Another feeling I would like to describe is about making a place for ourselves, the struggle for existence, we all want to do that, but I don't know why we want to do that and Mumbai is a place where everyone wants nothing but one thing increase in net worth of oneself. When the largest fish of the pond is sent to the ocean, it is lost and struggles to survive in the competition, and so is our corporate life. Its like starting from the very beginning again, we used to be stars of the college, "collar upar kar ke chalte the"(walked with raised collar), and now we are again nobody and building a new image for ourselves. It is in human nature to do that, to make an impression, to be greedy, I wish I could overcome that, I wish I could let it go and live each moment as a different one.
All in all, I am happy as I am getting a new experience and new emotions to feel :) To have a balance of loneliness, family, friends, work, sleep and your obsessions is really important to live a happy and contented life. So find the proper ingredients and make your life the best recipe ever made :). Do remember to add some spice to it :)