This blog is about a strange phenomena which has taken over my life and I have not been able to get out of it. It is something which I have never felt before, it is something which scares the hell out of me, it is something which I haven't been able to find a solution to for a long time, it is something which I don't know.
Let me first give you some context to my life. I have been a hard worker and have achieved all things with perseverance, have got no exceptional talents or gifts, so it's the only thing which I do and this make my life worth living. Working hard gives me satisfaction; which gives me happiness and in turn gives me realization that I did something worth doing. Working hard and doing something not useful doesn't matter to me, but not working hard and getting results does make me less happier. The best feeling is when I get rewards after I have worked hard for it. It doesn't happen that often but it does and that's what I live for.
You can see how much working hard is important in my life. The problem is I don't feel like working hard now. I have been trying to get back but it has been a month now and I have not been able to get the motivation to work hard again. It's not like I don't like working or I don't work, it's just like I don't have the zeal of hard work like before. I have heard that with time our efficiency decreases, does it imply this is something which is natural?
It's not that I haven't had a break, I had it and I am still on a break only as I haven't started to work hard again. But the thing that scares me is why can't I work hard any more. I get things done easily, I get my work done with other easier ways, but when it comes to hard stuff I get away from it and this is what is bugging me. I can see huge outcomes of my hard work, but I still don't work hard. I will get paid if I work hard, but I am not ready to do that. My work is interesting, but it takes time and continuously giving it time is something which I don't feel like giving. What else do I want? What else can be a better attraction for me to work? Simply I don't know what is missing?
Maybe hard work has vanished as smart work has come into my life, it's easier to use your smart brain and get away from the hard work, but it is also taking you away from the happiness which was yours.
Maybe I like seeing the outcome, but don't want to work on it myself, but I don't think this is the age to be bosses, mentors and not work yourself! But this is what is happening in my mind, I just want to think of the idea, give it to someone and relax. This sucks for me, as I don't feel just thinking is enough work for me.
All I do is read novels, watch movies, explore nice articles on the web and do some work forcefully as guilt approaches me daily now. It's not like I am not happy, I am at peace and having a nice time. But I don't like to be idle all the time, or have parties often, I always want a life where work is interesting and hard work and smart work are needed to get it done. I have tried a lot of motivations, a lot of feel good movies hoping................................
Maybe Tomorrow I will forget all of this and will get back to work life like the day before this started. That's all I hope for :)